Well I’ve been sharing embarrassing moments, and in my own moment of insightful therapy this week (I think I was brushing my teeth) I realized the moment where all of my embarrassing moments began.
I was 7.
I was 7.
I was in Mrs. Wells’ first grade class. Actually, I had a lot of embarrassing moments that year now that I take myself back to that classroom, but we’ll start here.
It was story time, and all of the kids were gathered in a semi-circle around a desk chair that sat in front of the blackboard. One of my classmates, a boy named, well, let’s say Mark, was going to read a story to us that day. I sat, smack dab in the middle of the pack, and listened intently no doubt (this is back when I thought it was cool to wear two pairs of socks at the same time and roll one color down over the other, so I was figuring out just the exact measurement to make it look like I had on one magical two-colored sock).
And then I filled the room.
With a fart!
Horrified, I thought quickly of what I should do while my face and ears turned beet red.
Determined not to give away my embarrassing moment and take fault (what a coward I was), I looked all around the room trying to giggle just like every other 7-year-old in the place, except my giggle was a nervous giggle.
Mrs. Wells’ called out, “Calm down everyone! Mark, please continue reading.”
But I can still hear those giggles that continued well into his next few pages of reading.
Then, I looked up and caught Mark giving me a wry grin as he read the next page of his book.
Did he know I was one the one who farted?! I ducked my head down and played with my socks again.
As story time came to an end I got up and quickly went to try and hide in the section of the room where we all hung our coats, planning an excuse to stay back there for a while, and I bumped into Mark.
I looked up at him confused that he wasn’t stepping out of the way.
“I know it was you,” he said, looking at me again with that wry grin of his.
Mark ate glue.
I’m not saying this because I feel a need to get back to him, but because for some reason, it seemed even more embarrassing to be discovered and called out by someone who ate glue.
“No it wasn’t,” I said, but I knew my cheeks were red. I have never been able to lie. Ever. I suck at it. My mouth says one thing but my face says another thing entirely and thus, I’m an honest person, not because I’m a good person, but because my face doesn’t allow me to be anything else.
“Yes it was,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Yikes! I’d been had! What would he do? Would he tell everyone in class? Oh my God. I would stand all alone during recess and look longingly at the friends I’d had before the day I farted during story time.
While my mind raced with the thoughts of all of the horrifying things that would happen when my friends discovered it was me who’d made music during story time, he walked off.
He left me standing there in the cloud of an embarrassing memory!
In the end, Mark turned out to be a very nice person. And it turned out not to be my most embarrassing moment ever, sadly, but there it was. The beginning of my embarrassing moments.
I think.
That therapy session while I brushed my teeth was only about 3 minutes long, so I may shock you with an embarrassing moment from when I was 4 later on.
I hope not.
Until tomorrow …
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