*My most embarrassing moment

My mom, sister and I had decided to take a trip to Kansas City to see my grandma, whom I love and will write an entire blog on later because she is graceful and feminine and motherly (we’re like human oxymorons she and I).  

Our first day in Kansas City, we decided we would go shopping on the Plaza because it’s one of our favorite things to do when we’re there. And I decided I would dress up because at the time, I had a job where I didn’t get to dress up that often and I felt the need to get gussied up that day. Who knows why. I do weird things.

We hopped in the car and rolled down the windows. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. This is always a sign that something dangerous could happen (not for normal people, but for me ― I find dangerous, embarrassing moments in the most unlikely of places).

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We got to the Plaza and my sister and I split from my mom and grandma because we were going to shop for my sister’s lingerie for her wedding night, and no one should do that with their mom or grandma.

I don’t think.

But if you have stories about that, I want to hear them.

We stopped for a minute in one of my favorite stores, Anthropologie, where my sister and I headed to the bathroom to relieve ourselves from soda and the fact that we had just spent way too much money (oh if only I could go back to that bathroom and do things over).  

Minutes later, we were back to shopping – we walked a few blocks (this is very important to note later – a few blocks) down to Victoria’s Secret where we roamed (again, very important to note that we roamed) for a while looking at the many options of not-too-much fabric.

Finally, we decided on some scantily clad beautiful white thing that after having children I’ve decided I will NOT wear on my wedding night (see many future blogs on the wedding planning), and started walking to our next store.

And that’s when it happened. 

“Ma’am! Ma’am!” A woman yelled at me, chasing my sister and I down the block.

Oh no, I thought, glancing at my bag. Did I accidentally steal something? I searched my bag as I waited for her to catch up with me. She was a bit breathless as she spoke, much like me in my blog post on my jog yesterday.

“Ma’am!” she said bending over to catch her breath. “You’ve – you’ve tucked your skirt into your pantyhose! Your skirt!” she said pointing.

Eyes wide, horrified, I looked down.

There, for the entire Plaza to see was my chubby right thigh and buttock! My skirt (oh why had I insisted on dressing up?) was tucked into my pantyhose midway up my back (see? Had it been a rainy, cold day with no birds singing, no doubt I would have noticed a draft a long while back!). I hastily pulled my now wrinkled skirt out of my pantyhose, profusely thanked the woman and said, “Oh my God. I just brought Jennifer Anniston’s bridesmaid moment to life in front of the entire Plaza.”

The end.

*This actually may not be my most embarrassing moment. Sadly, I will write you again later with more embarrassing moments so that one day, you can vote from an entire Table of Contents on my embarrassing moments. I’ll write about meeting John soon, and you’ll see, I’m a walking billboard for embarrassing moments.