Better left unsaid

Tonight, John needed to write an article for work. Normally, we're so busy during the day with the boys that all we say to each other are things like:

"This bottle's leaking - will you get me a new nipple?"
"Oof. That's the worst diaper I've smelled since we fed them the prunes and apples."
"I got my child to sleep faster than you did."

So, night time is when we catch up. When all those things I wanted to say fall out in an unorganized mess. How dare his article take away my moments of great thought and adult conversation. Here are the things I would have added to tonight's conversation, but have placed them in the vault of "very important things to bring up sometime but not when John looks at you out of the corner of his eyes when you're talking:

• Thank God I don't have to wear spandex at my job every day (I do not look anything like Lindsey Vonn).
• I hate "dry clean only" clothes. Well, more than that, I hate the moment when I buy them, and think, "I love you so much shirt, I will actually go to the trouble of taking you to the dry cleaners." (This is not true. I never remember to put  dry cleaning in my car so they sit in a big pile where they meet all of their colorful friends I've picked up that will also not be taken to the dry cleaners until I finally give in and toss them in a wash and they turn into a pill-covered version of what they used to be). Sigh.
• One day I will get a pedicure again. And maybe some Vitamin D. I hate winter.

Hmmm. Now that I see all of my highly important thoughts that I contribute to our nightly conversations on paper, I'm beginning to see why John's so tired at the end of the day.

Taxes. Blegh.

I had a tax appointment yesterday. The only thing that I can imagine more painful than the tax meeting itself, is preparing for the tax meeting.

Math and I don't get along well. When someone starts talking numbers with me (unless its: 1/3 cup butter, 1/3 melted chocolate) my brain goes fuzzy and my eyes glaze over.

This year, in total abhorrence of the task ahead, I called my health insurance company looking for help.

Them: How can I help you?
Me: I have a tax appointment tomorrow, and I have this line that says, "2009 Health Costs" and I just need you to tell me what I should put there.
Them: Ummm. I can't tell you that ma'am.
Me: Are you sure? You don't know how much money on spent on health care in 2009? You're my health insurance company.
Them: Well, have you logged on to your account information online? It will have everything there.
Me (in my head): Blast! I don't want to do math.
Them: Ma'am? I can connect you with our IT department and see if they can help.
Me: Aha! Yes. Please do that. (One more person I might convince to do my math).

5 minutes later...elevator music still playing.

10 minutes later...elevator music still playing.

Alas. I think they figured out my plan because they left me on hold for 10 minutes and then the line disconnected and I was left to do the math after all.

So, I went to my tax appointment. On my way there I ate two doughnuts and drank a caramel apple cider.

On the way back I ate a cheeseburger and french fries.

When I picked up an Easter chick "Peep" at our last stop, John found it necessary to run through everything I'd eaten throughout the day, line by line. Not smart.

And finally, we were home. Safe from math and its after affects on my waist line. I'm so glad this only happens once a year.

I'll build you a moat if you fix me breakfast

So, I'm not sure if people still have moats, but I decided I could build one today. All I need is the following recipe:

• 7:30 bed time
• One of my children

I've learned that I can create my own moat because every night, at 7:30, I walk, and walk, and walk in circles around my children's room. I wait for them to get sleepy. I wait until I count 100 circles. I wait for - well - what feels like - Godot.

And tonight I got to thinking. I could build someone a moat doing just this. But then, I thought, I guess there's not a big market for moats.

But let's not get side tracked.

If someone did need a moat - if someone let me sleep one night, 8 hours without interruption, I would build them a really nice moat. I'd even add the water for free.

If they made me breakfast, I would build them a drawbridge (I would probably have to hire this out, but that's okay, because I'm eating breakfast - the real kind - not the "kiss you, kiss you, grab a leftover biscuit from last night's dinner on my way out the door" kind, so no price is too high).

As I finally, put my child in his crib, I turned to leave the room and thought, if they would let me stay in the morning, and curl up with a good book, I would make them a castle.

Wow. Sleep. And breakfast. And a good book ...

And then I tripped over the baby gate on my way downstairs and bruised my hip and thought, probably, it's best if nobody trusts me with their moat building.

Damn. So close.

Happy Valentine's Day. I know. I'm late for everything.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day! Good food, good company, good drinks. And if you couldn't have all of them, than I hope you had good company.

Last night, while feeding the boys dinner, John mentioned he wanted to do a favor for one of my friends. This friend is famous for saying "thank you" with a pan of delicious brownies. I said, "Oh, you should do that and then we'll get brownies. I love those brownies."

John looked at the boys and said, "See boys. Here's our problem. When your mom says love that way, she's talking about brownies. When I say love that way, I'm talking about your mom."

Well, Sweetie. It isn't true. I love you more than brownies. More than ice cream. More even than cheesecake (Cheesecake, I will make you feel better about this by eating two slices this week).

Yep. I love you more than all of those things. More than I knew I could. Happy Valentine's Day.

Yeesh. Weddings.

The other night, John and I were talking about wedding planning. It went something like this:
John: It's going to be small though, right? We agreed to very small.
Me: Yes. It's just family and very, very close friends.
John: Thank God. I don't want to spend the whole time telling people where to put the streamers.

Streamers.

At our wedding.

This is the moment I learned John believes our wedding is comparable to a birthday party. It looks like I may be doing the planning here.

Hmmm. Maybe he had this planned all along ...

Who does she think she is anyway?

So I guess I should introduce myself first. I'm the mother of twins who were born on time despite their determination to enter the world extremely early. They're 13 months old now, and we still don't sleep through the nights, but we relish the days they sleep in until 7:30, also known as the days I'm able to get ready for work without telling a child to stop eating lipstick. John is the love of my life (which I've learned does not mean we always get along) and he keeps me in line. It's a full time job.

I think the quickest way to get to know someone is to find out their loves and their, well, not-so-loves.

• Loves: Cooking, writing, discovering something new, listening to my boys laugh, the smell of pumpkin pie, eating pumpkin pie, eating all pie (okay, I digress)
• Not-so-loves: Judgement, car repairs (this is top of mind because it was necessary this week), broccoli without cheese, well, any vegetables without cheese

And my new love, my hope-to-be love, is to connect with other moms - moms who cook, who laugh, who tell their children not to eat lipstick. Moms who wish there were 27 hours a day so they could just get one more hour, okay fine - even 15 minutes - of sleep.

I can't wait to meet you.